It has been a while since my last blog, but here I am, I have re-emerged from the depth of duties and responsibilities. So here it is, my latest inner journey...the things that have been occupying my mind.
Have you noticed all the women groups and organizations that are popping up everywhere? It seems that we are in a time where women are undergoing a process and redefinition of who and what they are. Some are conscious and clear about that inner transformation taking place. Yet, others can not see through the layers of fog and nebulae of the stereotypical, male-dominated, patriarchal role models we have adopted throughout time.
So, what is it that currently is happening within the woman of today? How does the emergence of a new feminine principle appear? How does a woman go about finding, embracing and expressing a new level of female power, energy, principles and qualities, well, find self-expression that is not influenced by the traditional, male-energy that is dominating the world? How does she physically manifest and integrate both, male and female energies within a female body during such a time of female emergence? How does she transform, emerge, appear, act, self-express in the real world without falling back into the trap of stereotypical, male, patriarchal, traditional role models?
Going one step further, how does the emergence of a new woman partake in the creation of a new society, a new system, a new social and governing body? How does the emergence of a new perspective of the feminine impact the world of men? Can men and women actually co-exist in a world of equals, and co-creators, versus a world of dominion and submission of one or the other? How can men and women build a world where they work and live together celebrating and honoring the male and female as equally important in all of their dimensions? How can all of us come together and collaborate as co-creative citizen for the common good of everyone during such a time of economical, societal and environmental change?
It is clear that I have reached a point in my life where I'm questioning for the first time the definition of my femininity, well, in actuality society's definition of my femininity that I perhaps adopted and adhered to...until now? Triggered by dialogues and interactions with some very interesting people I recently met, as well as my training in International Latin Ballroom dancing, I find myself on a quest of researching historical female role models that dared to trespass boundaries and definitions, that dared to live a life that others only live in their dreams, that dared to determine the course of their own life.
That's when I discovered Isadora Duncan. What fascinates me about Isadora is not necessarily her way of dancing, although she does represent that innocent, spontaneous, natural, girlish, dreamy, curious, wondrous, light-hearted, delicate, carefree, playful, almost uncontrollable, formless, unrestrained and liberated spirit...guided by pure emotion, not technique. Did I perceive her as the idealized feminine as per my vision? No, I didn’t necessarily resonate with her expression of “femininity”. But what I did resonate with is her ability of having located and expressed in “form” what she is on the inside...in the realm of formlessness, before it finds expression in the world of form. She has mastered to express “herself”, her vision of womanhood, “her” vision of a free spirit. She is guided by the depth of her pure and raw feelings and emotions, versus rigid, constraining, unnatural dance techniques....
She not only may have laid the foundation, language and vocabulary of modern dance, but if you really look deeper, at a spiritual level, she may have initiated a movement....she was the leader...the founder of a woman’s liberation movement (so to speak). “Her” version of femininity was void of social definition, she was free of social conformity. She felt the power within her herself to determine her life. She was living outside of social restrictions as a dancer, as an artist...as a woman. She recognized the beauty within and all she had to do is express it to the world.
I guess one could even say that she set the pathway for Hollywood, for the non-conforming...for the creative....for the artist, clearing the path for those who wish to be authentic, for those who long to be autonomous, for those who wish to embrace their power that’s dwelling deep within, for those who do not want to live a boring, monotonous, inauthentic, system-dependent “cookie cutter life”...for those who dare to oppose conformity. In one way or the other, she managed to establish a gateway for a “different way of life” that would penetrate the layers of conformity, yet succeeded to make it acceptable alongside the rules, roles and restrictions of society. Very inspiring.
Within this context I started wondering if Ballroom dancing will give me that physical liberation from mental self-restriction and societal imposed limitations? Will it give me that physical freedom I'm seeking to self-express my own unique femininity? Or is it another form of an already “pre-defined and accepted” female role fitting within the accepted norm of “today's society”.
Well, my dance coach recently appointed me to work with his female coach, a world-renowned champion in International Latin and Standard Ballroom dancing as he pointed out that he can teach me all day long about "technique", but when it comes to femininity I may want to seek out a woman. So off I was to learn from my new master. She pointed out that before I will find that freedom I’m looking for I will first find restriction as Latin Ballroom dancing has very defined rules and “roles” in order to establish “form”. She suggested to perhaps seek out some rhythm classes as a support in addition to Ballroom dancing to enable me to move into “form” easier, with greater awareness of myself that has to be “felt” rather than “explained”. Hm, okay.
Some people find their self-expression through knowledge, and others find it through intuition. However, to walk the path of intuition, we need to give ourselves permission...permission to express...without judging and being judged, without fear of reaction, without fear of failure and humility, without fear of being rejected, without avoiding vulnerability.
Since avoiding vulnerability seems to be something for me to look at, going the path of intuition might be tough...at least for now...as long as I don't give myself permission to be okay with ...vulnerability. So, as I'm hitting the disciple of "knowledge", or learning, one could say that within the context of International Latin Ballroom Dancing I only have to conform until I have learned all the tools. Once I master them, I anticipate to break 'em all and shine in all the glory of my own true authentic Self :-) ...one of freedom, one of pure self-expression, one of completeness...a point where art, beauty and life meet and there is only BEING.
In my quest of researching and understanding the different perception of women throughout history, I recently watched “The Last Temptation Of Christ”, and I have to say I didn’t resonate with Mary Magdalena....at all. I was disgusted over how she offered her body to any men strolling the streets to fulfill “his” needs. Where is the respect and honor for oneself in this?
In the light of conformity, I guess you could say she “didn’t conform”, and may have been treated as an outcast by society. Yet prostitution has always lived alongside society regardless of roles, rules and morals that existed at that time. Unless...is it possible that prostitution is the patriarchal bastardization of the sacred feminine that was celebrated during matriarchal times? Perhaps prostitution didn’t exist during those times when women and the feminine were regarded as something sacred, as the mother of life, as the one who gives life, as something to be honored and celebrated, rather than to be owned, used and dominated? Perhaps prostitution emerged as a byproduct when patriarchal influences rewrote the definition and value of women to transfer attention, power and lineage to men? The filters through which we view and judge seem to be influenced by society's value and belief system, or in other words, the reference point at that time...
Anyhow, throughout the movie, I felt that Mary Magdalena was portrayed as something disposable, easily replaced by men with any other women...as long as she, the women, any women, would serve and fulfill some need for men, be it sex, or to carry and birth his children. The only control Mary Magdalena had over men was her sexual power, with her seduction, her beauty, her body. But I did not perceive her as the complete women, like Lilith.
Yes, Lilith was celebrated for the personification of female sexuality. However, in contrast to the portrayal of Mary Magdalena in the movie, Lilith was celebrated for her female independence and autonomy, both sexually “and” in other aspects of her life...meaning honoring and respecting the authenticity of “all” of her female dimensions. I'm highly intrigued and inspired by the legend of Lilith. She would not bow down to any man or god. She was not a goddess that would serve men, she was not celebrated for her fertility and reproduction ability, but rather she represented a woman who was at complete ease and comfort with her own sexuality. She represents the ultimate female power, independence, autonomy, and sexuality. She was free and unrestrained, she knew her power, she was "the complete woman". Nice!
Going back to my questions at the beginning of today's blog, I would like to announce that I have been conversing with leaders, thinkers, authors, visionaries, speakers and pioneers in the field of transformational actualization to launch a series of discussions and workshops along the topics of such. Some of you may know, and have attended some of the social and environmental events I have been hosting on a monthly basis in Marina del Rey drawing 50 - 100 people per event. The intention was to offer a space for like-minded people and professionals to come and gather, socialize and network, to form new alliances, partnerships and new friendships. The common thread that holds us all together is our drive and motivation of wanting to actively participate and make a contribution to a much needed evolutionary transformation of the individual, of society and our environment.
To build on our drive and vision to facilitate and successfully navigate such intentions of challenging conventional thinking and outdated paradigms, I feel the need to provide a framework that allows a deeper immersion for such unfolding. Therefore, starting in 2 - 4 weeks, I will be hosting our very first "interactive dialogue" with the founder of The Institute For Conscious Evolution.
If you or anyone you know is interested in registering for our upcoming lectures and workshops, please send me an email to: tatjana (at) theswisszone (dot) com.